Playing with Fire: What does it make you face?

Imagine a classic love story that many of you are familiar with. Picture someone who doesn’t love themselves, doesn’t accept themselves, and perhaps doesn’t even see themselves as worthy of being loved. One day, this person falls in love with someone. Time passes, and they start to question their feelings or blame themselves, by asking, “How was I so blind?”.

I wonder, why does this regret creep in your mind? After all, those beautiful feelings radiated from the heart of the lover, while the beloved didn’t have to make any effort at all. When you fall in love with someone, it’s not their looks that captivate you. Instead, it’s because you are in love that their eyes and smile seem beautiful to you. You see them as you want to see them, which is often a sweet illusion.

When the love fades and you realize that the person you fell for isn’t who you imagined, you feel like you’ve woken up from a sweet dream, or in other words, you feel deceived. This brings me to a question: who is the deceiver?

«Liar will deceive a greedy one» (Azerbaijani Proverb)

"Burning" by J C

In Azerbaijani language, "greed" is explained as "an excessive desire to obtain something; greed, gluttony, the longing for something." In English, the word "greed" is defined as "excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth or possessions." (dictionary.com), or "a selfish and excessive desire for more of something (such as money) than is needed" (merriam-webster.com). In Russian, it is described as "stinginess, an excessive eagerness to satisfy one's desires" (Толковый словарь русского языка, С. И. Ожегов и Н.Ю. Шведова / ozhegov.info).

We often believe this is a pattern related to villains only, like "someone else but not me". However, I think that greed can describe emotions that each of us has experienced at times. I understand the word "greedy" in this proverb as hunger or insatiability. For example, our need to be loved, our insatiability, is a kind of greed for love. Similarly, our need for someone else's attention can sometimes become our insatiability for their attention. A grown-up who did not get enough parental love in childhood cannot have their need for love fulfilled by others.

If a person wants to be loved, isn't it a kind of greed, or perhaps even hypocrisy, to wish for someone else to love them when they do not love themselves? Isn't it a kind of self-deception?

I would like to ask the deceived one: where you deceiving yourself, what is your hypocrisy towards yourself?

«Yanan da mən, yaman da mən?» (Azerbaijani idiom: "Am I the one who is burning and am I also the villain?")

I do not mean to blame the deceived party; that is not my intention. I would simply like to point out that the solution is not one-sided. I would like to emphasize that stopping the deception is possible through the will of both the deceiver and the deceived.

Of course, there are exceptions. For example, when the parties are not equally matched in power, especially if the deceiver's power (intelligence, experience, social status, economic strength, numbers, etc.) is superior, it might be cruel to expect the deceived to have the will and courage to end the deception. However, even in such cases, I believe it is not a hopeless situation.

Deception, in any case, can lead to a burning experience because opening one's eyes, facing the truth, and accepting it burns a person in a way. Sometimes, the truth itself is not as painful as the act of opening one's eyes and waking up. However, the burning itself does not mean the end of every soul, as not every soul burns under fire.

"Simurgh" by Dana Al Rashid

As an example, let us remember the Phoenix, which is no less mysterious and mystical than the human soul. In various literatures, the Simurgh, known as Simurv, Phoenix, "Səməndər quşu" (Samandar bird), or "Zümrüd quşu" (Emerald Bird) is said to transport a person from one end of the world to the other in return for their good deeds (Huseyn Ismayilov, 2002). One of its main characteristics is that burning in the fire means being reborn for the Simurgh, and it is sometimes even the protector of the fire.

I would say that no matter how painful the truth or awakening from deception may be, it is impossible to deceive someone who is not afraid of it or who sometimes, despite their fear, has the courage to face reality. Sometimes a person must confront themselves, their fears, and their needs. What one cannot obtain from oneself, but expects from others, is something one first owes to themselves. For instance, someone who has not received enough parental love owes it to themselves to provide love as they mature. A child who has been taught to be deceived owes themselves the truth when they reach adulthood. In other words, burning is stepping out of your comfort zone. As we grow older, our right to innocence diminishes in the presence of adults. Being deceived is no longer just the responsibility of the deceiver. The only way out of manipulation is not solely reliant on the conscience of the deceiver; it is also hidden in your choices and will.

Deception is like playing with fire which is kindled together by both the deceiver and the deceived. This is a story about burning. In this fire, the roles of deceiver and deceived continually shift. The deceiver is also doomed to be deceived. After all, the most effective way to deceive another is to believe your own lie - that is, to be deceived. Therefore, sometimes it is not clear whether the deceiver is deceiving or whether it is he who is being deceived.

In the end, deception is like playing with fire. Such a game will inevitably burn - it will force one of the parties, or even both, to face reality. The one who has the strength to face it will pass through and emerge from this fire and, perhaps, rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix.

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Orucov, Ə. (2006). Azərbaycan dilinin izahlı lüğəti, IV Cild. Bakı: Azərbaycan Milli Elmlər Akademiyası Nəsimi Adına Dilçilik İnstitutu. "Şərq-Qərb".

С. И. Ожегов, Н. Ш. (1992). Толковый словарь русского языка. Издательство "Азъ".

Cəlal Bəydili, İ. A. (2004). Atalar sözü. Bakı: "Öndər Nəşriyyat".

Hüseyn İsmayılov, Ə. Ə. (2002). Azərbaycan Şifahi Xalq Ədəbiyyatına Dair Tədqiqlər. Bakı: "Səda" nəşriyyatı.

"Simurgh" by Dana Al Rashid

"Burning" by J C

merriam-webster.com

dictionary.com

obastan.com

ozhegov.info